Are Your Life Goals Really Yours?
Overcoming Ecosystem Bias
Remember being asked in school, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I do. I remember sitting there, watching other kids confidently say "doctor," "astronaut," or "teacher." Meanwhile, I struggled to come up with an answer that felt right.
Looking back, I wonder: Were those children really sure about their answers? Or were they just repeating what they had heard adults talk about?
This simple classroom activity sends a powerful message: you should know your life goals early, and you should stick to them. But is this really the best approach?
Garvit Sahdev enjoys understanding the ideas that shape our world. The Thoughtful Tangle is an initiative to share this journey and experience with friends who love to do the same. He selects one idea and dives deep into it to understand its basics, relevance, impact, and opportunities around it.
Most of our life goals don't actually come from inside us. They come from around us – from what I call our "ecosystem."
Your ecosystem includes your family, friends, school, culture, and society. This ecosystem plants ideas in your mind from a very young age. It tells you what success looks like. It shapes what you think is important in life.
For example:
If everyone in your family is a doctor, you might feel you should become one too
If your community values money above all else, you might chase wealth without questioning why
If your school rewards certain careers over others, you might follow that path automatically
We absorb these values so early and so deeply that we often mistake them for our own true desires.
Ecosystem Bias: The Hidden Force Behind Your Choices
I call this problem "ecosystem bias." It means your decisions and goals are limited by the narrow world you've experienced so far.
Think about it: How can you know if you want to be an artist if you've never been exposed to art? How can you value simple living if you've only seen people chase wealth?
It's like trying to choose your favorite food when you've only ever eaten at one restaurant.
Finding Your True North: How to Discover What You Really Want
So how do we figure out what we truly want, separate from what others have told us to want?
The answer is simple but not easy: explore different ecosystems before settling on your life goals.
If you've grown up in a money-focused environment, spend time with people who value simplicity. If your family prizes academic achievement, try hanging out with creative thinkers or hands-on builders.
When you expose yourself to different value systems, something magical happens. The outside voices get quieter, and your inner voice gets louder. You start to see which values truly resonate with YOU – not just the ones you've been taught to follow.
It's Never Too Late to Question Your Path
Even if you're an adult with an established career and life path, it's worth asking: "Am I following this path because it truly fulfills me, or because it's what was expected of me?"
Many of us make huge life decisions – our career, where we live, even who we marry – based on our ecosystem's influence rather than our true desires.
Take time every few years to check in with yourself. Ask:
If I could do anything, with no judgment from others, what would I choose?
Which parts of my life bring me genuine joy, and which parts am I doing just to please others?
What did I dream about before others told me what to dream?
Let's Stop Rushing Our Children
One of the most important changes we can make is to stop rushing children to decide their future.
Instead of asking "What do you want to be?", we should be saying: "Let me show you different ways people live and work. Take your time to discover what feels right to you."
We should expose children to many different values and lifestyles:
Those who value creativity and those who value structure
Those who seek wealth and those who seek simplicity
Those who lead and those who support
When children see these different paths, they can make choices that truly come from their heart.
Living Consciously, Not on Autopilot
The biggest message I want to share is this: we all deserve to live consciously, making choices that reflect our true selves – not just following a script written by our environment.
This doesn't mean rejecting everything your family or culture has taught you. It means examining those teachings and deciding for yourself which ones to keep.
True freedom isn't doing whatever you want. It's knowing what you truly want in the first place.
A Simple Exercise to Start With
If this article has made you think, here's a simple exercise:
Write down three major goals or values you hold dear. For each one, ask yourself: "Where did this come from? Was it truly my choice, or was it given to me by my ecosystem?"
No judgment either way – just awareness. Because awareness is the first step toward living a life that is truly, authentically yours.
Remember, the point isn't to reject our ecosystem's influence completely – that's impossible. The point is to be conscious of that influence, so we can make more balanced, authentic choices.
Your life is too precious to live by someone else's script. Take the time to discover your own story.
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